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If someone dies because they want to, are we supposed to cry or cheer? What about Seven? |
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overall things are good. . . they seem to be settling into something comfortable, work is slowing abit, which is good its nothing but go go go all the time. . .sooo stressful. . .things are great with Joe, he makes me happy. even the thought of him brightens my day. . . but lets avoid the mush. . . I'm expect the arrival of my new kitty (his name is Kallepso) as soon as he's fixed and gets his shot i get to bring him home, he's cute, he's my midget cat, he's so fat and little he loks like a fat tabby that was bleached then shrunk in the dryer.. . . |
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so bit of an update, back in september I quit my job, battled with mom. . .sigh. . .but thats all better now, had a few weeks before I start my new job for R&R ha yeah right, with everything thats going on its all I can do not to go insane, but I'm doing all right, Our last Event was the Deffenders Tourney. . I'm proud to say that our first mate Lt. Morag Nu Mair has become the Rapier Deffender of Twin moons!! Go girl!! Woot woot. . . the ship did take a bit of damage at the touney, we lost our quater deck, but she's in DryDock for repairs all will be well by southern, my last event until at least tavern, or maybe even estrella, I dont know, when the shows over I'm going to be able to breath a bit easier, not that I dont think we can do it, I'm just a tad bit nervous, I'll get over it and be a ham and do my dance and cancan and all that other stuff, it will be awesome.. . . Things are great with my Joe, as usual, he's amazing. I love the him. . . sigh. . .mushy thoughts go everywhere. . .tra la . . . .no but really things are great, got another big weekend ahead, got a date with my hunney on friday night :D then saturday make and mend till five, out in phx at 6 to see my family, then roke after that. . .Sunday BBQ fam time with Joe's fam then a "Business Crew Meeting" and probably rehersal. . .when can I seep. . .honk chew honk chew. . . . . Yay, I'm happy, quite a ways off of a year ago, a year ago today I was at the fair crying on my bestfriends shoulder, bout Rick's death and, my car, and all the other shit that I was struggling with. . .Yup nothings changed, he's still dead, but Its okay, I've come to terms with that, I've also gotten to amazing grandparents out of that pathetic experiance, I'm sure Rick was a good man, I can never really say for sure, One thing I do know, is how important my Dad really is, he pushs so hard for me to do the right thing, he tries to inspire me, and he does. . . big event! my estranged sister Crystal got married, Congrats cow! no but really I hope you get what you want out of all of it, and I pray you can sleep at night you little. . .nevermind whatever. . . I met her new husband once, he's a good man. . . good luck to him. . . to them both. . . so yeah cant really think of any thing else. . .Hmmm. . . .thinking . . . . hmmm. . . .Oh yeah had a total blast at Dave's Party it was way cool I got snoggered. . .yay!!! roke was fun last week we all dressed up. . I was karaoke Joe tra la, Bob was me :P and Joe went as KJ david. . .woot woot tra la . . . it was really fun. . . Guess thats all folks |
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Wow. . .so yeah, I got the job I was looking for, just three weeks till I start, it will be amazing, providing I can survive that long, I've been looking for work for a week and a half to last me until then. The lost income and the extras I would have gotten from my parents gone because I had a row with mom, she said some things that are unforgivable, I've forgiven her but, I need to be monetarily secure before I speak to her again, she cant hold anything over my head if I can manage my life on my own. No control, if I pay my way its my life not hers, right? I miss her though, I love her, and I hope she feels that, above everything else I hope she feels the void, sees that I have value, I don't mean to wish ill of her, I just want her to understand where I'm coming from, things get harder as you get older, that counts for everyone, even bonified adults, everyone struggles, and everyone strives for better. . .its the applegate way, thats all there is to it |
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see thats what I get for thinking. . . as soon as I think I've got my shit together I get fucked (proper fucked) Fuckin' A . . . lost my job, better move quick. . .things are bound to get a bit bumpy . . . . Granted its my fucking fault for quitting but gotta have a little self respect, not much but a little . . . .my line has been drawn in the sand, I wont budge! |
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Looking at my life from the outside, not many people would see much, I see what’s really there I see a life long lesson finally learned. A silent sanctuary. Everything’s about to start, and I can’t wait All prompted by that stupid Martina McBride song, kinda funny how it relates though In a little apartment just trying to get by Living on, on dreams and spagettios Wondering where your life is gonna go This one's for the girls Who've ever had a broken heart Who've wished upon a shooting star You're beautiful the way you are This one's for the girls Who love without holding back Who dream with everything they have Hmmm. . . . Ah shit I’m a stereotype . . . sigh . . . Putting things into perspective for me, in a cheesy a way as possible. I’m supposed to be starting a new job soon, an actual career for me; finally, the extra income will be wonderful! I’ll be starting school as well, finally full time once again, I’ve waited long enough, I think I know what I want to do, it’s a huge separation from what I thought I’d be doing for the rest of my life but I’m planning on pulling a double major to ensure that I’m not wasting my education on a whim . . . but then again that’s what my life has been so far, to be honest it aint all that bad. More or less, I’m actually happy these days, poor, but still very happy. Everything outside of work is great. . . . Started Rapier practice this weekend, it was great! I can’t wait till a get past my clumsy stage!! Still afraid of the sword too, but Joe and I are learning together which should make it go better, I am really excited. . .I don’t really care for the armour but. . .safety first. . .sigh . . . Monday night the crew started practice for the show (our bardic musical) “Rousing, Carousing, Panties & Shanties” Our ship the Cocomore de manio is doing a show at southern, Its going to be great!!! Whispers whispers . . .secrets secrets. . .he he not telling!! . . . .Later that night Joe and I went and sat in line all night for the Halo 3 release, he got the legendary, it came with the master chief’s helm . . . I don’t care what you say . . . its church, church’s head on a stick . . . lol. . . so we got the game and went back to my place, and I crashed out, the next day he played till he beat the game, all in all it took him like nine or so hours to beat, he was amazed, he said it was good, I think it had beautiful imagery but I think that the game was too short, and the rvb features were a total joke I was disappointed by the rvb, no caboose in it L that sucked, overall Halo3 was an amazing but short lived adventure. . . Cant really think of anything else to rant about. . . . Tra la’s |
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I work for them so they dont go under. but they keep my head below water, the gap between what I earn and what I spend is steadily growing wider by the day, no corrections made nothing but obligation to my family keeps me here nothing lets me move forward. They dont care, they'll just let me drown. . .slowly, but surely. . .this really is becoming a problem |
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Days where time just dribbles. . . the day wastes so slowly, leaving too much time for consideration, too much time for empty thought. . .leaving me craving for you, wanting you, knowing I cant have you just now, my rest, my favored sleep. . . waiting paitently for me, in the silent shadows of my thoughts. . . I hate my job. |
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Make this the way I am put it there can you build me a better plan Make me stronger than the way I am Make me look just the way you planned Smiles going all the way around Take the time Urge me to understand Put it there Make me look just the way you planned look at me with knowing eyes Spare my heart spare the lies then say to me if theres any way you can save my soul can you build me a better plan A plan with you a plan for me Dont waste time deciding if theres anyway you can |
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Good morning sunshine good morning glare sun so brigt behind me Good morning silence, hello to all the traffic, hello to all the gore |
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step for step moment for moment instance begotten I'm feeling forgotten Raging maniac letting loose No resilance remains miss defined
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I really had forgotten how beautiful it is up north, I cant believe my parents built a house,its so beautiful. . . I did discover that my dog is a city boy through and through, he did not like it up there, allergies and rough terraine, poor puppy was the walking dead by the time we got home last night, kinda discouraging seeing my parent cheeweewees runin round up there havin a good ol time and my brut pouting all weekend, my big burly pitbull whining and pouting . . .sigh. . .anyway Joe really hit it off with my folks, even my dad had good things to say, which isn't the norm, usually he just doesnt say anything either way, he said we're a cute couple, which doesnt sound like much but from my dad, thats a big statement! yay!!! I was so proud of my honey, he off roaded for the first time, runnin round all weekend in a goat ropers hat (he he , he looked so hot!!) Didnt do enough wandering this weekend, I want to go back!! |
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So for the last few days, I have been helping out my family because we were short handed, we didnt have a laborer with a license. . .So I was voulenteered to drive the rig (32 foot box truck) which also means I was back working on the roof, I dont mind it so much, I'm glad I'm done . . .Its hard work, a year at a desk has softened me up a bit, so it really really sucked!!! I have a horrible sunburn and I'm exhausted but other than that no worse for the ware, and I helped my famdamily get shit done. . . This weekend Joe and I are going camping with my parents, it should be interesting, I'm excited I havent been in a long time, my parents are almost done building their new house, I havent seen it yet but my mom's really excited about it. . . Think I'm going to buy my dad some beer and see if we cant get him to relax a little this weekend, he deserves it, plus that way my folks can get to know Joe a little better. . . Feeling a bit negative lately, trying to get passed it but I just dont feel like myself these days. . . sigh. . . |
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I totally forgot. . .guess what!!!! I've been playing WOW! go me! I'm a level six blood elf : ) I've only played for like a total of two hours so far, the last 30 min I got to play were totally wasted I keep falling off this stupid building, and when I dont fall of the building some stupid guy kept killing me, gave up last session, hoping to get some time in soon. . .guess we'll have to see. . . |
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Over all it was a great weekend. . Friday night we watched Izzard. . .sigh. . . and I had girlie drinks and we built pirate ships which was fun, I love that game (new card game I'm getting into, with Joe and pretty much everyone else I know) I havent played much but, we are supposed to be planning a play date with Bob, maybe I'll call the captain too, make a big night of it all, anyways, Saturday Joe and I spent half the day in the car searching for a dealership that would honor his warranty, I had alot of fun pallin' around with my huney, even though I was trying really hard to repress my natural instict to be a bitch due to my ephocal hormones, I hate being female sometimes. . .so we spent the day together, we to the mall to check out the selection at the game store found pirate maga packs and we both got new tins, I was so pschyed!. Later we went to Chuy's for Joe's Karaoke competition, he did so well, I was really proud of him, got everyone into it. . .He got screwed on the rotation though, He was the first contestant, The last guy that performed got first, and some fucktard that totally butchered Bohemian Rhapsody got second, my honey came in third, but he still did really well, our friend Cher was in the competition too, she looked so pretty in her red dress, she sang well to, after hearing her and Joe I was sure they would both place, but, alas the voting was left to the drunkards so the outcome became what it is, my honey and bob got bery bery drunk, we went home and I caught up on my drinking rather quickly, we started watching Tales from the crypt, but I had to take my honey to bed, he required my attention, or rather I required that he allow me to pay him some attention. . .skippy skippy. . .so the next morning Bob and Joe made really yummy breakfast for me and Tami, then I watched Joe totally kick bobs butt at pirates(you know he did. . .woot woot) after Bob and Tami departed my huney got itno the nitty gritty of his new xbox game "bioshock" its got great graffics but the theme and plot are fairly disturbing, fun game though. . .he finally retired the system for the evening and we ran an errand and made it off to bed, I'd have to say, over all it was still a really good weekend. . .hmmm. . . . |
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My conections are all fuzzy |
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Trying to organize things get kinda hard with all of these wonderful distractions, but I'm not complaining. My life is turning into something manageable. Having my very own place for the first time and justbeing on my own makes a huge difference, last night my Joe came over and made dinner, which was really great I finally got my kitchen all set up, it looks really cute now, the only things that missing are the wall hangings I want and the cushions for seating, its going to look really nice when its alll done, next Im moving on to the living room, still looking for the furniture that I want for it, next to actually having the money to spend once I find it I'm almost set. . . just puttin' all my ducks in a row. . .sihg. . contentment is a better place than i ever thought. . . |
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My mind is going several different ways, I'm feeling lost and confused, not sadly or badly, I have not been abused. .I keep fucking rhyming. . .Dont know what to do, I feel like my bubble is popping, and I suddenly am feeling blue. . . . It's not like I feel something bad, more ominous than bad but, I really dont know. . .So many things on my mind I have no clue what to do. . . I feel dark and well not gloomy . . .I dont know its hard to recognise what I really feel right now, things are slipping My soul is melting or maybe its not, Maybe its just the weather its too fucking hot! |
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Not really sure about the purpose of it all. . . |
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